charli xcx dives into feelings in her lockdown lp, 'how i'm feeling now'
By Grace Niemiec
While we’ve all been sitting around at home, Charli XCX has been busy.
Despite the success and critical praise of her last full-length release Charli in 2019, Charli XCX has not stalled on pushing the boundaries of pop in her newest LP how i’m feeling now. The British pop star, whose real name is Charlotte Aitchison, has not only enlisted some of the most creative producers in music but also recorded an entire project within lockdown due to COVID-19. Reflecting its name, the LP focuses on Aitchison’s current feelings towards her life and relationships given her current situation.
The album is introduced with the track “pink diamond.” Aitchison’s lyrics yearn for parties and glamour: “I just wanna go real hard, I just wanna go real hard.” Sadly, now all she can do is try her best at home. The song’s grimey beat adds to Aitchison’s frustration of being unable to do anything that makes her feel normal anymore. Despite the references to a lifestyle that’s unattainable to the vast majority of listeners, the song still resonates due to its basic premise; without the ordinary joys of life, “Every single night kinda feels the same.”
Continuing with standout singles “forever” and “claws,” Aitchison focuses on her relationship now that she’s stuck with her partner. She reflects on her current romance in “forever” and her faith that, despite hiccups, she and her partner will always have a bond. In “claws,” Aitchison pays a tribute to the honeymoon stage of a relationship with some production help from Dylan Brady of the infamously chaotic duo 100 gecs. His influence on the track is invaluable, as his trademark production style of clanging instrumentals and vocal editing makes the song the standout it is. It’s simple, sweet, and impossibly catchy; good luck getting the hook of this song out of your head.
The themes of those tracks keep up in the next leg of the project with songs such as “7 years,” “detonate,” and “enemy.” Again, Aitchison takes this time to evaluate her current romance. Whether it’s the celebration of the relationship’s perseverance through tough times on “7 years,” the fear of losing it all on “detonate,” or the break-up paranoia of “enemy,” Aitchison has a lot on her mind. While the theme of reflection during a crisis continues through this run of tracks, it’s by far the least interesting leg. The creative production is the high point of the earlier tracks, but it takes a backseat in this three-track run. There’s no issue with wanting to strip-back a little; however, this was not the best choice given that Aitchison’s vocal performance also feels largely lackluster during this portion. With such vulnerable and romantic subject matters, these songs should be far more engaging than they are. Luckily enough, this LP picks right back up with “i finally understand,” a song that exemplifies what the three tracks before it should have been. Aitchison’s cool delivery and the simple instrumentals match the purpose of the song this time. She wants to clearly state that she’s made some realizations about her relationship. Nothing less, nothing more.
The project takes a turn away from romance on “c2.0,” choosing to focus on how the coronavirus crisis has impacted Aitchison’s friendships. The track serves as the sequel to “Click” off of Charli last year, once again celebrating Aitchison’s ‘clique.’ However, while “Click” served as more of a flex of the success of her clique of artists by including features from Tommy Cash and Kim Petras, “c2.0” centralizes on her real clique: the best friends she hasn’t seen in weeks. Throughout the track, nostalgic memories and hopes for reunion pour out (with a brief, yet mesmerizing break of Aitchison repeating the word ‘clique’ dozens of times). It’s painfully relatable to anyone struggling to live life without friends and the experiences you get to share with them. It’s then followed up by “party 4 you,” a song noticeably out of place on this tracklist given that it was originally written in 2017 and lies outside the theme of Aitchison’s quarantine thoughts. “party 4 u” is a genuinely good song reflecting on one-sided devotion in the middle of a party, but it doesn’t mesh well into this specific album, coming off as a throw-away track off Charli.
This misstep can be forgiven however, as this project winds down with a bang. That bang is “anthems” and “visions,” two both equally lively and reflective songs. “anthems” is a quick party track at first glance, but upon further inspection, it’s a desperate call for a return to normalcy. In a similar fashion, “visions” takes on the confusion of the current crisis, bringing hope through Aitchinson’s ‘visions’ of a time where things are back to normal. Accompanied by a synth-heavy instrumental, the track is fun and spacey. However, it soon turns into a grim reminder that things are still chaotic as an alarm effect begins to dominate at the end, drawing the album to a close.
Only time will tell if this project's themes will hold up past this crisis, as many of the lyrics reference a day-to-day structure that will hopefully be long-forgotten months from now. However, what makes how i’m feeling now a solid album is its production — something that will surely make its mark long after lockdown is over. The raw energy that many of the instrumentals deliver is unmatched by anything heard from artists this popular right now. By delivering the sounds of smaller and more experimental pop artists, Aitchison is opening up her massive mainstream audience to music they may not have considered before. This project is an effective continuation of Aitchison’s crusade to encourage change in the somewhat stale mainstream pop scene. It’s something she’s done ever since her somewhat unorthodox hit “Vroom Vroom” all the way back in 2016. We can only hope that this pattern continues with future Charli XCX projects. It’s truly a unique project and will excellently match this unique time period for years to come.